A Lost Art

Modern technology gets much praise. The cell phone, of course, is no exception. Before cell phones, how could a person possibly insert oneself into every waking moment of their friends and coworkers lives? How could bosses call at 11 PM faultlessly (after all, your company probably pays at least 15% of your bill if you're required to give them your number) and friends send text after meaningless text?

I jest. I'm addicted to my phone, and in true Millennial fashion, I no longer wear a watch because my $29 cell phone has my time-keeping needs covered.

However, one thing analog phones had in their favor was the powerful Art of the Hang Up. That satisfying F-you click that not only ended a conversation but created a powerful, almost guttural, how-dare-they-leave-me-so-powerless response from the hung up on party. Today, between lost calls and spotty 'can-you-hear-me-now' service, the only reaction you can possibly expect from a hang up these days is bewilderment after someone talks for two minutes only to receive no response.

My Grandmother, whose phone manners can be as spotty as an iPhone's 3G network, ends almost every conversation by slamming the phone into its cradle for a good 5 - 10 seconds. In her case, the message is unintentional, but still received. And so, with her in mind, I propose a new iPhone app (the world needs another, I'm sure you'll agree): the Hang Up. My proposal is that in order to revive the lost art of abrupt conversation ending, this app would allow you to press a combination of numbers which would play a recording of a phone slamming into its cradle, and then follow with a dial tone.

Problem solved.

And I'm Back

For the past year and a half, I've been living my life in a strange combination of laziness and hyper-drive. In my hyper-drive moments, I'm working, working, working. I work on a retail account, a shopper marketing account and a pro-bono, and it's left much less time than academia to blog. To record moments of interest, I've leaned toward Twitter -- no muss, no fuss, and very little thought. As for my lazy moments, I don't think much more explanation is needed.

But it's 2010 now, time to start new things and to re-start old projects. This blog may be a bit different in round 2. I'm not sure what the changes will be, but my life has changed since I last took it seriously. Advertising, as my job, is a part of my life. But as a job I love, it affects most of my life. The blog, then, is about advertising -- as it always has been. But my definition might be a it broader. Advertising is touched at all points by people -- the teams, the agencies, the artists who inspire, and the 'targets' we try to speak to. And so, this blog is about people, as filtered through the possibilities for communication.

The Boy Who Cried 'Beyonce'

In the age of instant communication and hyperbolic buzz, you can only put your foot in your mouth so many times before your apologies become pretty meaningless. I'm guessing Kanye's latest stunt won't be forgotten any time soon.

Yahoo: A Global Citizen, just like me

I think Yahoo's Babel Fish could use another year or two of Spanish class...

You know you're a Millenial when...

You buy the first watch you've worn since high school, just so you can moderate focus groups without having your cell phone in the room.

Uh oh Jonas Brothers!

This is possibly my favorite Ad Age article ever. Whoever did the sourcing, congratulations.

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Report: Disney Mulls Layoff of 'Least Cute' of Jonas Brothers

Has It Come to This? Cost-Conscious Media Giant Might Need to 'Right-Size' Pop Singing Sensation

by Simon Dumenco

Published: February 02, 2009

After months of painful bottom-up cuts -- layoffs of thousands of rank-and-file workers media-industrywide -- a new, dramatic staff reduction may finally be coming from the very top of at least one media-entertainment conglomerate.

Chart attack: In this economy, is three a crowd, budgetarily speaking?

Photo Credit: Carrie Devorah

Sources* close to Disney say the company, which recently offered buyouts to 600 executives at its U.S. theme-park division, has seriously considered targeting the heretofore immune "talent." Specifically, says one such source, the company has been "taking a hard look at 'right-sizing' the Jonas Brothers" -- three real-life brothers from New Jersey whose Disney Channel appearances and "Camp Rock" movie helped propel their albums and singles up the Billboard charts.

"If you've ever heard these guys live," says the executive, who declined to go on the record because he's not authorized to speak to the press**, "it's pretty clear singing isn't necessarily their strong suit." Their vocals, he points out, are electronically "enhanced" in the studio, "and it'd be just as easy to make two brothers sound as good -- or as bad -- as the three brothers sound now. It's just a matter of twiddling some dials." The real brand strength of the Jonas Brothers, notes the source, "is their cuteness -- but, let's face it, they're not all equally cute." As for their concert tours, "It's all a blur anyway -- it's mostly about the light show -- and the remaining two brothers probably can just jump around the stage more to compensate."

Though he declined to discuss which Jonas might be at risk, a recent reader poll at teenmag.com suggests that Nick may have the least to worry about; he scored 49% in a recent "Jonesin' for this Jonas" survey, while Joe pulled 40% and Kevin just 11%.*** Similarly, WikiAnswers.com offers this definitive response*** to the question, Which Jonas Brother is the cutest?: "Nick!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well of course it's nick b/c he has SUCH CUTE curly hair!!!! ohhhhhh soooooo cute!!!!!xD :D!!!!!!!!!"

"Disney has always been a cute-driven company, and this is just about serving the consumer's need for 'cute' more efficiently in a totally fugly economic climate," says one executive**** at a not-nearly-as-cute competing entertainment conglomerate. "And I guess they could argue that in weeding out the least-cute Jonas brother, well, sure they'll save a ton of money, but just as significantly, the remaining two Jonas brothers, with their higher level of cuteness, will now be in a band that is, on average, significantly cuter. So the consumer gets 'super-served' with cuteness."

The potential staff reduction may seem harsh, but it's not without precedent. Before Disney Channel ended the three-year run of its hit series "The Suite Life of Zack & Cody" last fall, it reportedly considered laying off either Dylan or Cole Sprouse, the real-life twins who portrayed mischievous brothers living at the fictional Tipton Hotel. "They're both identically cute, so Disney was going to flip a coin," says a source***** familiar with the deliberations. "And then they were going to make it a solo show, like how Fox News changed 'Hannity & Colmes' to just 'Hannity.'"

Cutting high-price talent has become a necessity given that Disney's recent thinning of even its well-compensated managerial ranks "only goes so far toward improving the bottom line," says the executive at the competing entertainment conglomerate. "Besides," he added, "I know a bunch of Disney's theme-park executives, the ones getting downsized, and none of them is cute, really. Well, maybe after a few drinks, but with our recent expense-account cutbacks, these days you mostly have to look at those folks totally sober."

* "sources" in the supermarket-tabloid sense of the word
** and because he does not exist
*** seriously
**** who moonlights as a unicorn
***** my imaginary friend

http://adage.com/mediaworks/article?article_id=134215

Cash4Gold, Super Bowl material?

Cash4Gold is the amazing company behind those cheesy direct response TV ads featuring a very serious man urging you to send your "old gold jewelry" to their refineries, where they'll melt it down for cash. This is really what we have to look forward to during the Super Bowl? I never expect Smart in the Super Bowl, but I will admit to hoping for more Flash than I'm guessing they'll offer ... even with MC Hammer.

Cash4Gold.com

Buy: One :30 in third quarter

Creative: The ubiquitous direct response marketer, which will also run one :60 spot in the pre-game, isn't allowed to put up a 1-800 number in its in-game spot. So it's tapped rapper MCHammer and announcer Ed McMahon to act as pitchmen.

Agency: Havas's Euro RSCG Edge

source: Advertising Age