A Lost Art

Modern technology gets much praise. The cell phone, of course, is no exception. Before cell phones, how could a person possibly insert oneself into every waking moment of their friends and coworkers lives? How could bosses call at 11 PM faultlessly (after all, your company probably pays at least 15% of your bill if you're required to give them your number) and friends send text after meaningless text?

I jest. I'm addicted to my phone, and in true Millennial fashion, I no longer wear a watch because my $29 cell phone has my time-keeping needs covered.

However, one thing analog phones had in their favor was the powerful Art of the Hang Up. That satisfying F-you click that not only ended a conversation but created a powerful, almost guttural, how-dare-they-leave-me-so-powerless response from the hung up on party. Today, between lost calls and spotty 'can-you-hear-me-now' service, the only reaction you can possibly expect from a hang up these days is bewilderment after someone talks for two minutes only to receive no response.

My Grandmother, whose phone manners can be as spotty as an iPhone's 3G network, ends almost every conversation by slamming the phone into its cradle for a good 5 - 10 seconds. In her case, the message is unintentional, but still received. And so, with her in mind, I propose a new iPhone app (the world needs another, I'm sure you'll agree): the Hang Up. My proposal is that in order to revive the lost art of abrupt conversation ending, this app would allow you to press a combination of numbers which would play a recording of a phone slamming into its cradle, and then follow with a dial tone.

Problem solved.